My name is Carlynn. I am 18 years old. I am a senior in high school. In a couple of months, I will be going off to college. I have struggled through this year in an attempt to uncover who I am and who I want to be. High school has been a journey. Unlike many, I actually enjoyed most of it. I have had a great group of friends through my four years. But then senior year changes people and friendships.
I have hated myself for the longest time. I stand here at the top of my class with a 4.60 GPA. I stand here with a love and passion for music. I stand here with a life dedicated to Christ. I stand here with a place to call home and food on the table for me to eat, yet I cannot help but hate myself and everything that I do.
Through this year, I have learned many things. Many hurtful things. I have learned that people care. People always will care, however sometimes those who you expect to care – won’t actually care. I have also learned that some battles are best fought alone. Loneliness is something that you can control. If you want people to talk to you, talk to people. Make that phone call. Send that text. Make the first move. If you don’t, will it ever happen?
This is me
I look at myself and all I see is failure and regret. All I see is fat. All I see and all that I feel is hate.
That is not who I am.
My mistakes DO NOT define who I am.
Neither do my successes.
I am not labeled as a failure, a musician, a flautist, a pianist, a daughter, a friend, an IB student, or a success.
The person I am is defined by my faith in Christ. I am renewed each and every single day in him. I am his beloved. I am loved. I am cared for. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am worthy, worthy of both love and affection. Nothing that I can do will ever separate myself from this truth.
It’s hard for me to view myself this way but that does not diminish the truth it holds. With that said, here are a couple of verses to meditate on when life seems nothing but impossible:
- Philippians 4:13
- Joshua 1:9
- Isaiah 53:5
– With love,